The Secret of Real Self-Compassion – Episode 204

Transcript

Hello and welcome to The Being Human Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Greg Bottaro, and today, I’m going to share a secret with you — the secret for self-compassion. Now, this might sound fluffy or easy, something you can just roll past, but wait a minute. I challenge you to think about how we are called to follow Christ. To be like Jesus means to love, and that love must start with ourselves.

AI-Generated transcript of this episode:

If you’re honest with yourself, deep within your heart and mind, there are areas of woundedness, pain, self-criticism, and disappointment. You might not be as compassionate towards yourself as Jesus would be. Of course, we are supposed to grow, convert, and become better versions of ourselves. But how does Christ help us grow and transform? By loving us first. Every story in the Gospel, where Jesus calls someone to “go and sin no more,” begins with an act of love.

If we truly want to follow Christ, we must begin with compassion — first for ourselves, and then for others. We cannot give what we do not have. The challenge we face as a culture is a lack of understanding of how our minds work. That’s where this secret comes in. This episode comes from a conference I participated in a few years ago, but it still rings true today. As this episode is released during Advent, a season of preparing for the Incarnation, let’s also prepare our hearts. Let’s examine where we resist following Christ and unlock the secret that makes it not only possible but easy to love — first ourselves, and then others.

I’ve spent the last 10 years integrating the best techniques of psychology with the Catholic faith. There’s a better way to help people than simply slapping a Catholic label on a secular model of therapy. This podcast is here to explore that new model of truly Catholic accompaniment, balancing psychological science with a more human and effective approach.

I want to help you unpack your struggles right now. Everyone suffers — it’s part of my specialty, even if it sounds a little twisted. My role is to help people face their difficulties and find hope and healing. Christ tells us His burden is light and His yoke is easy. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel that way. Maybe we’re sabotaging ourselves or getting in our own way. By examining how we think, we can lighten our burdens and process things differently.

Before becoming a clinical psychologist, I was a monk for almost four years. I lived a life of prayer, service, and spiritual discipline, which deepened my understanding of God’s love. We often talk about being loved by God, but how often do we reflect and pray on what that really means? We know we should love our neighbor, even our enemies, as much as we love our spouses. That’s challenging.

So, what is love, and how do we receive it? Love begins with God, who loves us first. We are loved into existence, and we give that love to others. Yet, we often live in painful mental environments filled with negative voices and stories. These voices — perfectionism, impostor syndrome, self-criticism — come from within. They might seem fleeting or quiet, but they are there all day long.

In my work, I teach a Catholic version of mindfulness, grounded in Christ’s teaching: “Do not be anxious.” This practice helps us be at peace in the present moment. Initially, becoming mindful can make things feel harder because we become aware of the noise in our minds. That’s why we stay busy — to avoid hearing these voices. Silence is difficult because it amplifies these internal narratives.

However, through mindfulness, we can understand these voices. One significant concept is the multi-mind model of personality. Instead of having a single mind with conflicting thoughts, we have multiple subpersonalities. This isn’t multiple personality disorder; it’s a natural part of being human. You might wake up feeling compassionate one day and irritable the next. These are different subpersonalities at play.

Some of these subpersonalities include our inner critic, who often lacks compassion. Instead of rejecting these parts, we need to understand them. Christ reached out to those rejected by society — the lepers, tax collectors, and sinners. If we follow His example, we should reach out to our rejected parts with love.

The secret to self-compassion is to love all parts of yourself, even the negative voices. These parts exist to protect you, emerging from past wounds and survival instincts. Instead of fighting or rejecting them, turn toward them with curiosity, gratitude, and understanding. Engage these parts in conversation. Ask your inner critic: “Why are you here? What are you protecting me from?”

This approach leads to real resolution, not rejection. When you acknowledge these parts and their good intentions, you bring inner peace. For example, if your inner critic formed when you were nine years old after a painful experience, it doesn’t mean that same critic should dominate your decisions as an adult.

I’ve created some free exercises to help you engage in these internal conversations. You can find them at partswellness.com. These exercises guide you through creating inner silence, listening to your parts, and finding a path forward.

I hope this episode blesses you and helps you approach self-compassion in a new way. During this Advent season, I’m praying that God opens your mind and heart. Remember, we are loved first. God bless you.

Thank you for listening to The Being Human Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please head over to iTunes, leave a review, and subscribe to help us reach more people. For more free content, visit catholicpsych.com. God bless you.